The Ruin Script

i always believe:
emotions are only distractions.

they cloud thought, distort perception, and interfere with the clarity needed to survive. extreme happiness brings excruciating pain. every joy carries its shadow; every attachment demands payment. if you cannot bear the consequence, you must bear the silence instead.

this is a truth i learned early:
feeling too much is a liability, and neutrality is survival.

once, when i was young, i got into an accident. i was swinging on a rope when it spun out of control. my foot caught on a barbed wire fence. at first, i didn’t feel the pain. i pulled my foot free, and that’s when the blood began dripping, steady and quiet—like water. my expression stayed blank. my friends were worried, but their voices didn’t reach me. i washed the blood, wrapped my foot with a piece of cloth, and went home.

i didn’t want my parents to know, but my mother saw the bandage and asked what happened. i told her. she told me to go to her friend for treatment. i only nodded to calm her, but i didn’t go. instead, i crushed moringa leaves from the backyard and pressed them to my wound, healing myself quietly.

that day, i learned more than pain. pain does not demand reaction. fear does not require attention. unchecked emotions only distract from what must be done. crying wouldn’t stop the blood. fear wouldn’t heal the wound. emotions wouldn’t change what already happened. so i stayed still. i remained focused. when i cry, will the blood stop? will the pain fade? no. so i chose silence.

emotions are only distractions because they consume the energy that survival requires. they blur the edges of reason and drown the quiet voice that says: move on. keep going. endure. calmness in pain is not emptiness; it is awareness.

this is why i have mastered neutrality. people often say i am too much to myself, but this is how i live. this is how i survived. the world is already cruel enough; let me preserve my own sanity, no matter what i believe. neutrality is my peace, my discipline, my protection.

and in that quiet discipline, in that careful preservation of self, i endure. i survive. i move through the world intact. i exist unshaken. and that is the power of neutrality: to acknowledge the weight of emotions without surrendering to them. that is enough. to know where they came from, to understand their purpose, to recognize them without letting them consume you. there is no need to go deep, no need to drown in what you already understand. awareness is enough. 

to live is to exist, and to exist is to endure.
but mine is different; to exist is to understand.

author’s note:
— bled by @achilleusdeirdre
— 11th of november, year 2025
— open to criticism; all echoes welcome.
— lowercase intended for signature writing.